By Alex Missen
(10/20)
Dear Diary,
I thought Mikey had just wet the top bunk again since there was a big stain I saw from underneath, but no, that was just his blood because he got decapitated. Sleepaway camp is rough, man. I went out to show camp counselor Jackie, who’s really cute for a girl I guess, but when I came back the body and the bloodstains were gone and she looked at me like I was seven (I’m 8 and 3 quarters now) and said it was just a nightmare. I think her boyfriend told her to say that because he’s scared of me stealing her love because I told him one time I smoked one of dad’s cigarettes for a bet and I didn’t even cough once. (I saw him smoke once too but it didn’t smell like tobacco smoke — very strange. Also his eyes were red so he must have been crying like a little clown baby boy lol.)
(10/28)
Dear Diary,
The old man who runs the fishing lodge is being weird again. He looked right at me and said “the moon is in alignment with the land of the dead; now the seal is released and ‘IT’ is left to wander in search for souls” but seals live in the water so I don’t know what he’s talking about. Also Grant, the kid with the 3DS (I think his parents are poor because I have a Switch hahaha) went canoeing in the lake and some hands came out of the water and pulled him in. If he doesn’t come out of the water soon he’ll probably drown; it’s been 2 hours already.
(10/31)
Dear Diary,
I took a big fat Juul rip while the counselors took us hiking. Just as I was building up the cloud, the wind suddenly picked up and engulfed everyone for a sold 20 seconds in a blueberry-blast smelling mist. Definitely the proudest moment of my life. Anyways when the cloud lifted, three of the other campers were found impaled across several tree branches several few feet off the ground. I guess “I told you so” would’ve be a good thing to say then since I’ve known some people have been dying here for a while now, but come to think of it I haven’t actually told anyone. Oops. Regardless, the hiking trip ended because a 10% casualty rate before even leaving the parking lot is pretty high. Jackie’s loser bf was crying the whole walk back to the lodges cus I think one of them was his little sister; Jackie hugged him so she probably won’t be leaving him for some time out of pity — a shame.
Dear Diary,
Same day, and they made us take down the Halloween decorations because “it’s in bad taste” due to the murders. I guess all the spooky skeletons and ghosts lose their appeal in the context of several actual murders having happened in the immediate vicinity. The cops are meant to arrive here by midnight, and until then, we’ve been given orders to corral ourselves in the main dining hall lodge, but the counselors there probably won’t let me bring my Switch (again, “in bad taste”: I suppose they want us to look all sad when the reporters inevitably arrive) so I’m gonna go to the lakefront tonight alone and focus my attention exclusively on my gaming, making sure to ignore any outside sounds or noises that may distract me. See you then.
Dear Diary,
Ok so the craziest thing just happened to me! I found a plaque on site explaining how this camp was built on the site of a mass burial of ancient shamans, AND an ancient battlefield AND the preferred killing site of a serial killer AND an old Blockbusters that got demolished in 2010 — I guess the land must’ve been cheap. And as I was reading this, a man emerged from the water and told me that he was the dread-spirit of revenge incarnated in corporeal form and that he was here to kill all who treaded on his place of rest. He smelled like the kitchen at Red Lobster, probably because he’d been living underwater for so long, but I didn’t tell him that. I calmly explained that I was just here because my parents caught me dressing our cat in my sister’s skirt and they thought this camp would “straighten me out,” and that I really didn’t want to be here, and the entity nodded understandably. See, people tend to think I’m stupid but I’m probably the first person in history to be on friendly terms with an angered spirit. It asked where all my friends were hiding, and I told it that they weren’t my friends, and so it rephrased the question as where those “foolish mortal children who have not yet known true horror till this night of terror which shall fall upon them — their lives are mine, their souls sundered, their lives brought to ashen ruin” so I said the main dining hall lodge so it could practice it’s stupid poetry somewhere else. (Typical liberals, trying to flex their literature degrees on anyone who will listen.) Anyways, I think my Switch is charged up fully now (it summoned a portable charger and cable out of thin air, so that’s nice) so I’ll see you when it’s bright enough to write again.
(11/1)
Dear Diary,
As it turns out, that entity I spoke to last night must have been the specific evil dark force which caused all those murders after all. I was just willing to give it the benefit of the doubt and assume it was a different one, but I guess no good deed goes unpunished. I say this because everyone died. When people started showing up to the camp they were acting all crazy and emotional and sad, but I grew up in the rough part of DC (Georgetown), where you see dead bodies every single day, so it really didn’t faze me. I suppose the police have no choice now — I’m going home!!!
Until next time,
Alex Missen
P.S. if anyone finds this, hmu on insta and tell me my diary was good.
